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If you have several children, chances are good that at least one of them challenges your sanity. You love him (or her), but truth be told you don’t always like them. They do not only push your buttons, they stomp, tap dance and karate kick them until your last nerve is hanging by a thread. Then you snap and say something you wish you hadn’t and the situation escalates into a full blown drama.

If this cycle sounds familiar, I can commiserate. The latest cycle with one of my own resident button pushers got me thinking and reflecting once again on how I can get to the root of my own emotional responses so as to diffuse the situation earlier the next time.  Here are some of those thoughts.

Acknowledge the buttons

Know what your hot buttons are.  As the saying goes, “there’s no smoke without a fire”.  If you’re upset about something your child is or isn’t doing, it’s probably because you are the very same way.  Your child is lovingly mirroring your own limited behavioral response, subconsciously hoping that you will see it and heal it in yourself. { read more }

About Lisa Gale

"She was an artist and her life was her canvas." (Kobi Yamada) When I grow up, I want to be her! For now, it's fun to pretend.

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Photo: Flickr, peterme

We’ve all been there: you’ve changed your baby’s diaper, fed/nursed her, put her down for a nap, played with her, rocked her, sang to her, and pled with her, but still she won’t sleep! Dealing with a cranky baby can leave both parents and baby in a pretty fussy mood, and it can cause a lot of anxiety. Thankfully, though no two babies are the same, there are some tried and tested tactics you can employ to soothe your cranky newborn.

Bounce the newborn

No, I don’t mean bounce her off the floor in frustration. I mean bounce her in your arms. Rocking is a solid standby, but when my daughter was a newborn she wavered between liking to be rocked and liking to be bounced. And she punished her mom and me if we opted for the wrong choice. To make matters worse, her preferred bouncing method varied, too. Sometimes a gentle bounce in my arms sufficed, while other times she preferred a more vigorous bounce in my arms on an exercise ball. When you have a cranky newborn, you have to be willing to try anything. { read more }

About Jeff Jacobson

Socrates understood himself to be the smartest man in Athens because he knew at least enough to know he knew nothing. That's me. I'm an inconsistently successful father, stepfather, husband, and writer. But at least I know it.

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Photo: LAURA MARDON, Flickr

For many couples, conceiving a first child is a “normal” experience, involving the cessation of birth control measures and resulting in the birth of a baby. After that, however, couples may face difficulty conceiving a second or third child for whatever reason, and this is called “secondary infertility.” When this happens to you, it’s confusing and disheartening and may leave you asking questions. { read more }

About Liz Alfano

I write "Dirty Words," the blog about things you should know, but might not. I'm the mother of two elementary school-aged boys and wife of one adult aged man. When not writing, I can be found reading or staring into space wishing I was either reading or writing. Sometimes I'm seen vacuuming...but not often. www.mydirtywords.com

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No parent likes to leave their child in someone else’s hands. But as hard as it can be on you, odds are good it’s even harder on your child. Read on for a few tips and tricks to help your toddler deal with separation anxiety.

Do the prep work

Before simply dropping off your child suddenly, lay the groundwork for a smooth transition. If possible, talk about the separation far ahead of time, and be as specific as you can. Children feel better when they know what to expect, so tell them exactly what they can expect to happen: where they’re going, with whom, and for how long. And, of course, always follow it up by telling them when either you are their other parent will be back to collect them.

Don’t dawdle at drop-off

Kids pick up on cues from their parents. That’s not to say you toddler will be all smiles at drop-off time just because you are; but the odds are better than if you sulk and show anxiety about it, too. So put on a happy face, use positive words and good body language, tell your toddler how much fun he’s going to have, make the drop-off, and then make a hasty getaway. But don’t run.

Leave him with a keepsake

If your toddler’s separation anxiety is especially peaked, consider leaving him with a little keepsake — a reminder of you. It can be anything from a photo of your, to a blanket with your scent on it, to a special something the two of you share. And, of course, if he has a security blanket or stuffed animal, bring that long, too.

Don’t diminish your child’s feelings

It’s all too easy to forget that toddlers don’t share our sense of the passage of time. Hours can seem like minutes when they’re having fun (five more minutes, mom, please?), or days when they’re not. Try to resist the impulse to rationalize what’s going on, as doing so can give them the message that their feelings aren’t valid.

Remind yourself that these strong reactions aren’t simply a toddler being dramatic; your toddler’s feelings, no matter how irrational, are nevertheless real to him, and must be taken seriously. Empathize with him by acknowledging his feelings and telling him it’s okay for him to feel them. And then remind him how much better he’ll feel when you come pick him up.

Be patient

Most toddlers go through a stage of separation anxiety at least once, and many experience it several times. Remember to be patient with your child, and remember that even though it’s heartbreaking to leave your child when he’s sad, it would be even more heartbreaking to leave a child who doesn’t care that you’re leaving.

About Jeff Jacobson

Socrates understood himself to be the smartest man in Athens because he knew at least enough to know he knew nothing. That's me. I'm an inconsistently successful father, stepfather, husband, and writer. But at least I know it.

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Photo: www.thenutritionpost.com

Motherhood is one of the most beautiful challenges life can give to us. On a good day, it’s rewarding and possibly even blissful. You know those days when the kids are all happy and playing well together. There is a synchronicity and flow between your daily activities. You feel a real heart connection with your children and love is the predominant emotion. But truth be told, sometimes motherhood is just downright stressful. How long we allow that stress to continue and go unchecked can have a big impact on our health and well being as mothers, as well as a harmful effect on our families.  The good news is that you can learn to manage stress effectively so that you can eek more joy out of motherhood.  Here are a few tips. { read more }

About Lisa Gale

"She was an artist and her life was her canvas." (Kobi Yamada) When I grow up, I want to be her! For now, it's fun to pretend.

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Photo: ruurmo, Flickr

Spring is a season that’s hard not to enjoy. Whether you live in Chicago or New Orleans, Los Angeles or New York, spring is a winner. It’s a time to shake the cold off your bones and breathe in the fresh scents of blooming flowers. And if you’re fortunate enough to have an outdoor area at home, it’s also the best time to enjoy your very own spring garden. Here are just a few of the many reasons to love a great spring garden.

A spring garden is visual evidence that winter is over

Even for those of us who live in moderate climates, the end of winter is a thing to celebrate. But for you poor unfortunate souls who live in cooler climes, the end of winter doesn’t necessarily mean the end of cold weather. Early spring still brings cool to cold weather in a lot of places, especially after dark, and when cool fronts come in it can often be hard to tell when winter ends and spring begins. That’s where your garden comes in. Even when it’s too chilly for comfort outside, the sight of those summer squash, watermelon, and tomato buds sprouting to life is visual proof that spring is well on its way in, and the cold weather is well on its way out. { read more }

About Jeff Jacobson

Socrates understood himself to be the smartest man in Athens because he knew at least enough to know he knew nothing. That's me. I'm an inconsistently successful father, stepfather, husband, and writer. But at least I know it.

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Photo: no lurvin here, Flickr

Parenthood is hard. Between the sleep deprivation, near constant adjustment to your baby’s ever-changing schedule, and perpetual state of disarray in which you find your house, keeping friends after a baby comes can be a real challenge. But when you and your friends find yourselves on opposite sides of a dispute regarding parenting styles, it can be an even bigger one.

Luckily, opposing viewpoints don’t necessarily have to end friendships. Follow a few of these pointers to keep friends with different parenting styles.

Lay the groundwork

Parenthood can bring about unexpected changes in both what you think about, and how you think about it, and many parents surprise themselves by how dramatically their opinions change about parenthood after they become parents. So if some of your decisions are surprising to you, imagine how they must seem to your pre-parenthood friends! If you have some post-natal surprises in store for your old pals, try softening up the ground a bit during pregnancy and in the early part of infancy. { read more }

About Jeff Jacobson

Socrates understood himself to be the smartest man in Athens because he knew at least enough to know he knew nothing. That's me. I'm an inconsistently successful father, stepfather, husband, and writer. But at least I know it.

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Photo: http://delvinah.blogspot.com/

Building a strong family is a labor of love. We are challenged to move beyond a sense of duties, beyond roles and perhaps beyond ourselves. Not because these are unimportant, but because the building of strong families is sacred business. We cannot build families the way our ancestors did because we do not live in their world. This is a new world, a new day and a new generation. What might be the four pillars on which a strong family could stand the test of time, particularly these times? { read more }

About Lisa Gale

"She was an artist and her life was her canvas." (Kobi Yamada) When I grow up, I want to be her! For now, it's fun to pretend.

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Photo: www.srongfamilies.us

The state of the family is perhaps in crisis. With divorce rates still on the rise, it’s obvious we all have a lot to learn about building families that are strong and true. Many of us are products of broken families, but we do not have to continue that legacy down our family lines. We can heal, we can learn and we can find a new and higher path. This is obviously a big topic, so we’ll take a treetop view of potential first steps. Where do we begin? As the Chinese philosopher Lao-tzu said, “the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”

Awareness

Awareness is perhaps the first step on the path to building strong families. We must allow ourselves to become aware of the patterns instilled in us by our own families. Some of these patterns will be beneficial and others are destructive in nature. Our job is not to judge as we become aware, but merely to observe. { read more }

About Lisa Gale

"She was an artist and her life was her canvas." (Kobi Yamada) When I grow up, I want to be her! For now, it's fun to pretend.

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Photo: kennymatic, Flickr

Co-parenting is the term used when biological parents (in most cases, anyway) do not live together as a couple, but still provide parental care for their child. Often times this situation arises when a couple splits up and it can easily be a very awkward, uncomfortable, and even contentious relationship.

But no matter how you and your co-parenting partner ended up, you’re here, and your primary concern should be to provide the best parental care for your child possible. And like it or not, that may include incorporating the other parent, and possibly step-parent(s), in your daily activities. It won’t always be easy, but read on for tips and advice on achieving your goal of successful co-parenting. { read more }

About Jeff Jacobson

Socrates understood himself to be the smartest man in Athens because he knew at least enough to know he knew nothing. That's me. I'm an inconsistently successful father, stepfather, husband, and writer. But at least I know it.

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